Shortly after my failed surgery in 2000, my surgeon encouraged me to begin vaginal dilation therapy since he said I should never try to have surgery again. I was 14, yet to have a boyfriend, sex nowhere on the radar, and was terrified after trying to dilate for the first time. It was painful, uncomfortable and truthfully…embarrassing. So I hid the dilators in the closet and went on with my life.
(WARNING- this post is particularly descriptive and adult in content)
Lee and I moved in together in May of 2004. Our sex life, while not “normal” was very active and included several known positions to those girls with MRKH. Our main method was “slex” – Man laying on his back, woman on top straddling him, sliding up and down. While there is no penetration, it tends to do the trick for both parties involved.
A year after moving in, I begin dilating. I was scared of the medical dilators, and I didn’t want to go back to my surgeon, as I felt uncomfortable around him. Instead went to a local adult toy store to see what I could possibly use. I spoke with a lady there who was very friendly and not at all shocked by my story, although she had never heard of it. She suggested getting a standard hard plastic somewhat pointy vibrator of average size and start with that. There happened to be a broken one (didn’t vibrate---unused!!) that she sold me for $5.00, so I went home and after asking the girls on the MRKH Yahoo forum for some advice, began dilating 2 times a day. In the morning before work I would lay on the couch watching TV, used lubrication and put the dilator on the skin between my urethra and rectum and push as firmly as I could stand for 20 minutes. Then in the afternoon before husband got home I would do the same thing. It wasn’t really painful, just uncomfortable and actually tiring having to put firm pressure for that length of time! I know some girls are able to sit on their dilators using their body pressure as force, but I never tried doing that.
I started to notice an inch or so depth after a few weeks and within 3 months Lee was able to penetrate about 3 inches(first by accident during slex!) and then we incorporated dilating into foreplay. We would use the dilator for a few minutes in the beginning, then Lee could penetrate with less pain, and he became my dilator. J Instead of a “man-made vagina” I have a “Lee-made vagina” it’s a custom fit! I think he liked being involved in this process, and it really brought us closer together. He was very gentle and caring and never forced me to do anything. I was the one that wanted to start dilating, he was satisfied with slex, I wanted more.
I was concerned that I would begin to associate sex or Lee specifically with pain, since this phase was actually somewhat painful, but I didn’t. Lee was also very concerned about this, and we spoke about it in-depth, but it never really became a problem. I began to actually like some pain during sex….like some people do….nothing crazy, but the pain was actually ok for me.
After 2 years or so, we stopped using the dilator before/during sex and since then have been able to have relatively pain free sex. I do tend to get Urinary Tract Infections frequently (2-4 times a year) and tend to get them if we have sex more than 3-4 times a week (which rarely happens anymore anyway). My doctor is aware of this, and I usually get put on antibiotics when we go on vacation to prevent them, or can call in a prescription if I get the feeling I have one since I know the signs & symptoms better than most doctors at this point! I do get testing done after my antibiotics are done, since recently the infections don’t seem to want to go away, and if left untreated can become bladder infections (which I have had once) and eventually kidney infections and much more serious issues.
Something I never thought I would have to deal with since I have MRKH are yeast infections. I always thought they came down from the uterus or something, but apparently you don’t have to have a natural vagina to get them! You just need a warm moist crevice…and well, now I have that! After getting put on antibiotics so frequently I began getting them every time, so now my doctors simultaneously prescribes Difulcan to prevent them. Oh the things we women go through!
I never spoke with a therapist about MRKH, dilating or anything relating to this. I do regret this, as I am now noticing some habits or tendencies I have that I am sure are not healthy, and can be attributed to having MRKH. I have actually found a therapist in my area that specializing in my most obsessive habit (skin picking), but he does not take insurance directly, and I have been fighting with my insurance company to get him approved so they will reimburse me.